Open book, closed chapter. Adieu

For a few months, my life was an open book.

I left too much info.

The chapter is closed.

Bewildered over an unexpected closure,
Getting thee on a departure.
May thou seek the simple pleasure
Yondering along this road, with much allure.

Adieu

Love,
B

I thank thee :)

Thank you for the kind concern and words.

I am doing ok meanwhile.

Keeping myself busy everyday with my new job. Very much of a hands on job.

Unlike previously where I had to constantly guard and strategise against ppl inside and outside.

Has this blog turned boring? Maybe so.

It feels weird writing my thoughts here. This blog was started and inspired by June.

And turned mushy cos of a series of unfortunate incidents.

Perhaps one day when I know that I am completely out of your mind and sight. I will stop.

Done my little checklist on what I ought not be in life
- braggart
- presumptuous
- precocious
- jealous
- angry
- lazy

Almost all the deadly sins. Sigh. I will keep gluttony for the mean time till I turn into a ball. I still have two more in camps :P

Technology is always a good thing. Having everything at your fingertips with a smartphone. But it turns you into a monster when you obsessively check your mail, other ppl's tweets, fb, whatsapp .....

I reminisce the times when I had only a pager with mail box. Sharing that mail box with close friends so that we can find each other in the crowds. 177155 4 or 17 31707 1 is messaged in small little dot matrix screen.

This brings a smile to my face always.

With technology (and google) (and Facebook), no one escapes. You can google anyone track them down if they leave enough digital traces.

I am turning insomniac.

Mindless ranting at 430am.

But truth is, thank thee all that has offered me kind words.

I am ok. I will survive.

Some might call me silly, immature and yes WUSS (just reminds me of chewie actually), like I would say to others in the same situation as well. Time will make things better and just try not to think about it.

The fact of the matter is, when you feel so strongly in your gut that somehow this feels right and it just becomes part of you. I am no greenhorn to this battlefield but it feels different. It ain't about convincing yourself and shit like this. Ppl ask if this is just crushes, I know a crush when I get into it and get out of it harmless. Maybe I am just obessive? I never put myself in that shoe. It has been one month since I have last heard from you. Wanted to learn more about your trip then.

I've known myself better. I ain't clingy and to an extend I am jaded. I take things with I pinch of salt. But I reckoned that I stubborn to know what I want.

Even if this is the only way to communicate with you, I will be here. How long can I last? I ask myself this question all the time. My only answer is that when I am truly out of your mind and sight.

Ppl asks if this is true love? Idk. But it is a spark that never ignite fully.

But how the hell do I know anything if it is just a matter of months. I trust my feelings (going mushy and woman like now). It feels different. I let down all my guard for you. I speak of the truth in front of you. I am as naked as I can be. Which I never ever allow myself to do that.

I have said too much now. :)

I shall go back to googling.

Love,
B

Epic failure!

A little difficult to type in the mobile I reckoned. But I will have to let this one out.

Life is different as I have known now. Things that never quite bothered me seem magnified and angered me no end.

I am turning to an angry old man. Sigh.

My sob stories. Yearns to be heard. Alas there is none that really knows. Except you.

Nights are endless misery as I literally watch time passes by. I reminisce the nights we had. Not knowing if it soothes the soul or breaks the heart.

It ain't right to express this anymore but I pray that your generosity to friends extends to this helpless existence.

I am an epic failure. I hate this feeling.

Bouncing back....on a tail...Bounce bounce bounce...weeeeeee

Been called a wuss :P

Perhaps I was, in times of confusion and desperation.

You were a much needed sense of comfort and dependancy for the months that we had. Having you to share my deepest secrets that perhaps noone knows, was a solace.

The need to cling on to the asylum was far too immerse. Weakness in human behaviour I reckoned.

Everyone (almost) goes through this helpless state once in a while.

Settled some life changing issues.

I do not seek closure nor why as of right now, but a direction to fulfill and explore my current business potential.

Never once am I bitter about things, never will. If you ask me right now if it is merely a limerence, my answer is NO. I trust my gut feeling and there was a space inside me that was never filled. you might (probably not) asked why only now, the truth is that there hasn't been any before that warms this empty space.  

This friendship is not a debt and we don't owe each other anything. I am happy to give as much as I have received. I seek nothing more but to share your happy quirky moments, though I will never be able to be a listening ear in troubled times.

Out of your sight and mind I may be, but if even there is a tiny weeny bit of the good memories. I will still be here :)

Hey I am not settling for second best. But you will always be in that little space ...till someone comes along.

Somehow (I might be wrong) I have a feeling that our paths will cross once again in this time and space predefined.

Enjoy the year that is gonna pass by soon. No one is gonna spoil that.

*PS My heart papitates and eyes still wandered off when I see a white Estima drives by :)

A long break

Dear Readers,

Thank you for dropping by despite the slow updates.

I will take a long break to find myself again after a series of unfortunate incidents.

It would be best to leave it as that.

Drop me a comment or two.

I will take my leave with this song by John Mayer.

"Love Song For No One"

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

Reflections

Perhaps if you ever chance upon this, this is something that I had to say after a full communication blockout.

I have never viewed myself as a pesky fellow and I hate myself for being pesky. Just this one time, maybe I was. Now I understand what it meant to be frantic *grumbles*

You came at a time where it is the darkest hour of my life. I have never told you that.

A moment of limerence it may be, that constantly revive that little spark that I have lost through the years. I have never checked my phone so often but with every message that came through or every call that I made, often than not, a smile would appear on my face. This long lost feeling of my heart fluttering seems to come out of its hiding place.

Perhaps it was my vault inside that prevents me from opening up to you. I am not one that opens up easily. There is no need for anyone to share this heavy burden. My choice of words might be wrong and probably came out as blunt and offensive. It was probably my defense mechanism that kicked in.

There is still so much I want to tell you and so much that I want to learn about you. You are unconventional in contrast of my conventional self.  

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Someone forgot to tell me that there are pot holes in the dark tunnel that get you stuck. Mid life crisis as I put it. :(

I have always been a fighter and a struggler. Tiredness has sunk in deep this time and I have little energy left. Your spark showed me hope and yet as the glow dimmed, the unbearable feeling of loneliness creep back in.

Thank you for the glow, the tunnel is still long and far. I will crawl and struggle my way to the light. Just much slower and alone.

On the other hand, you bring spark to others that brightens their days and nights. Do take care of yourself, eh? Just don't burn yourself out. You have good friends around you and I am sure they will take care for you. Eager to hear about your business ventures but I reckoned I might never know.

(and I am getting all emotional like a woman. *grumbles*)

Damn I really like you, this is probably the first on my inner moments and my last post. 

Ten more years maybe?





 

Limerence

For the lady that created a spark in during my darkest time. :)

A moment of limerence.

Your hands wandered carelessly along the smooth inner thighs. Your breathing got heavily with every inch of naked skin that you caressed.

"What happens next?" you asked.

"He is watching you right now.....his hands roaming down south just like you...." I whispered slowly.

"Stroking his huge erection for you. He can see you, every inch for your naked beauty right now."

You slided your finger along the lips, letting the rosebud bloom. Peeling away the petals that could bearly contain the sweet nectar trickling down. You part your legs wide for the stranger. His movements were obvious. His shorts and boxers were scattered on the floor. Running his clenched fist on the hardened manhood.

"He is cupping his balls and stroking really fast now...." Moaning in your ear.

"Just took off his top, standing there...as naked as you are dearie...." as i released my own raging manhood.

"Don't you like it when two hard males pumping for you now?" I moaned softly

"Yessss..... don't stop...." You uttered in half moans. Your love box slurped hungrily on the curious fingers that kept exploring amidst the pink petals. Teasing and smearing the juices over the smooth shaven pussy. Freshly shaven and glistening with sweet nectar. This was quite a sight. Seeing the rosebud getting all the attention that was needed, wet and erected.

My hardness blushed in deep red for you. Like the stranger, my fist were wrapped tightly around the arching shaft.

"What is he doing now dearie?" as your breath quickens

"He has just taken out his bino dearie. He wants to see your intimate details clearly. He wants to see how wet you are now. But I can hear how wet your pussy is dearie"

You hiked your legs up on the armrest. Spreading your legs apart for him to see. Dancing your fingers from your breasts, groping and kneading them to rubbing on the wetness that was spilling down your chair. You didn't mind, you liked it. Knowing that you were the object of our attention. You moaned out loud. Like a slut.

Thrusting up against your palm, you fingered your wetness, knowing exactly where to touch and where it felt best.

I aimed my hardness at you. Slapping the side of my palm furiously against the base on my manhood.

"You are enjoying yourself eh? Dearie?" amidst the furious slapping noises of my self pleasuring.

"Un huh....I am...I am so wet.......Ahhhhhh"

"He is watching your every move, how you touch yourself. how you slide your fingers in your pussy. Just like a slut." Stammering my words

"Ahhhhh..." You worked endlessly to build that one big orgasm. cupping and feeling your love hole, teasing the rosebud over and over.....taking time and again to pull that lovely pink nipples, tweaking them.

I loved that way you cup your breasts and fondle them, ending with a hard pull at the seductive nipples that screamed out for attention.

You were almost there. Your breath quickened. With a deep breath, you let out a pleasured scream. Ringing through the house.

"He is cumming too dearie, shooting his hot cum all over for you." as I jerked myself.

"Mphmmm....."arching your back and squirming as you climaxed. Waves of pleasure hit you repeatedly.

Moans and groans filled the house.

You were pleasured.