Reflections

Perhaps if you ever chance upon this, this is something that I had to say after a full communication blockout.

I have never viewed myself as a pesky fellow and I hate myself for being pesky. Just this one time, maybe I was. Now I understand what it meant to be frantic *grumbles*

You came at a time where it is the darkest hour of my life. I have never told you that.

A moment of limerence it may be, that constantly revive that little spark that I have lost through the years. I have never checked my phone so often but with every message that came through or every call that I made, often than not, a smile would appear on my face. This long lost feeling of my heart fluttering seems to come out of its hiding place.

Perhaps it was my vault inside that prevents me from opening up to you. I am not one that opens up easily. There is no need for anyone to share this heavy burden. My choice of words might be wrong and probably came out as blunt and offensive. It was probably my defense mechanism that kicked in.

There is still so much I want to tell you and so much that I want to learn about you. You are unconventional in contrast of my conventional self.  

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Someone forgot to tell me that there are pot holes in the dark tunnel that get you stuck. Mid life crisis as I put it. :(

I have always been a fighter and a struggler. Tiredness has sunk in deep this time and I have little energy left. Your spark showed me hope and yet as the glow dimmed, the unbearable feeling of loneliness creep back in.

Thank you for the glow, the tunnel is still long and far. I will crawl and struggle my way to the light. Just much slower and alone.

On the other hand, you bring spark to others that brightens their days and nights. Do take care of yourself, eh? Just don't burn yourself out. You have good friends around you and I am sure they will take care for you. Eager to hear about your business ventures but I reckoned I might never know.

(and I am getting all emotional like a woman. *grumbles*)

Damn I really like you, this is probably the first on my inner moments and my last post. 

Ten more years maybe?