You are my ghost as much as I am yours. Sinks...

It is 5 in the morning. I have brought my two bitches up on the bed. One sleeping in my foot and the other's smelly butt in my face. I am getting a little more allergic to their fur as I grow older. Sigh. Went to get myself a double quarter pounder today at nex. Just to pamper my craving for a burger. Got myself excited seeing the hoarding board for burger king at nex. I would be glad to customise a triple whopper like the one I had in Germany. Thought I had a pretty happy little surprise for the day. Then all hell breaks loose. :( I blame myself for being observant in details. It is an occupational hazard. I can glance ard and pick up objects of interest (or things that I know that ppl I care about like) in a matter of seconds. A series of gor juss print bag, just like one of those harrods bag. A small collection. Damn, the floodgate of thoughts opens and rushes back. It was just absurd, I got so bloody excited that I think I actually blushed, but it tore me apart knowing that I will not be able to give it to you. And here I am at 5 in the morning, thinking of how to pack the bag up with presents to give to you. I linger along the boundaries of (in)sanity, only to realise that your shadow lurks behind mine as I tries to be yours. I failed myself. :( B

First post on Christmas day

Why the bloody hell am I doing here at 1am on Christmas Day? I would have been out playing right now no? Or at least having a companion warming up the bed beside me? Well sadly I just had a minor surgery yesterday (that's why I said Christmas was cancelled, at least for me) So no bangs no notti things for moi. For a while. I was damn scared actually. What if the surgery failed? I was awake when the doc inserted 10cm of the thick 18cm needle in. Hmmmm and I have been injected with epidural. Does that make me experience a little bit of childbirth? Heh. :) Then again the epidural for labour uses a thinner needle. Freaking thick 10cm down my spine. I was really scared. ................. Anyway all is well I hope. My morphine base pain killer is working. Gonna get knocked out now. Enjoy the good times for me. Whether it is notti or nice, better if it is notti AND nice. Cheers and love, B

Happy Holidays ppl !

Been a roller coaster ride this year.

Had some good times and mainly bad.

But gonna spend some nice quiet time with my two lovely dogs over the holiday season.

No bangs no fireworks. Just a quiet time to read my books and watch some telly.

For all that are having a good time, enjoy yourself to the max. Have a blast, just don't mess up the place :P

Happy holidays!

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Did I tell you that Christmas is cancelled?!?!!?

Cos YOU told him that you have been good...........and he died laughing....

:)

Random Rantings

Who is the first person that comes to mind when you walk around for gifts this holiday season?

I braved the crowds on Sat and Sun through Orchard road. Finding myself increasingly annoyed with the crowd.

Nothing seems nice and special.

Except for a Lelo that pops into my mind.

I don't think that you will need it but it is still a thought. :)

Bought myself a new desktop, got really pissed at the salesman, bloody low EQ.

Blasted him till he dared not looked me in the eyes.

Have a wonderful Christmas ppl. May your wishes come through.

Love,
B

Griffin and Sabine

I was so happy that I found my long lost collection while doing mindless cleaning in the middle of the night.

Have anyone read this?

It is a trilogy of two souls connecting through postcards and letters.

I will not say anything more. Just read it.

My collection comes in actual envelopes and individual postcards + letters.

I love the illustrations and the words exchanged.

Perhaps I am Griffin......Sabine. Looking for the unattainable.

Enjoy it if you had not read it :)

Love,
B

Open book, closed chapter. Adieu

For a few months, my life was an open book.

I left too much info.

The chapter is closed.

Bewildered over an unexpected closure,
Getting thee on a departure.
May thou seek the simple pleasure
Yondering along this road, with much allure.

Adieu

Love,
B

I thank thee :)

Thank you for the kind concern and words.

I am doing ok meanwhile.

Keeping myself busy everyday with my new job. Very much of a hands on job.

Unlike previously where I had to constantly guard and strategise against ppl inside and outside.

Has this blog turned boring? Maybe so.

It feels weird writing my thoughts here. This blog was started and inspired by June.

And turned mushy cos of a series of unfortunate incidents.

Perhaps one day when I know that I am completely out of your mind and sight. I will stop.

Done my little checklist on what I ought not be in life
- braggart
- presumptuous
- precocious
- jealous
- angry
- lazy

Almost all the deadly sins. Sigh. I will keep gluttony for the mean time till I turn into a ball. I still have two more in camps :P

Technology is always a good thing. Having everything at your fingertips with a smartphone. But it turns you into a monster when you obsessively check your mail, other ppl's tweets, fb, whatsapp .....

I reminisce the times when I had only a pager with mail box. Sharing that mail box with close friends so that we can find each other in the crowds. 177155 4 or 17 31707 1 is messaged in small little dot matrix screen.

This brings a smile to my face always.

With technology (and google) (and Facebook), no one escapes. You can google anyone track them down if they leave enough digital traces.

I am turning insomniac.

Mindless ranting at 430am.

But truth is, thank thee all that has offered me kind words.

I am ok. I will survive.

Some might call me silly, immature and yes WUSS (just reminds me of chewie actually), like I would say to others in the same situation as well. Time will make things better and just try not to think about it.

The fact of the matter is, when you feel so strongly in your gut that somehow this feels right and it just becomes part of you. I am no greenhorn to this battlefield but it feels different. It ain't about convincing yourself and shit like this. Ppl ask if this is just crushes, I know a crush when I get into it and get out of it harmless. Maybe I am just obessive? I never put myself in that shoe. It has been one month since I have last heard from you. Wanted to learn more about your trip then.

I've known myself better. I ain't clingy and to an extend I am jaded. I take things with I pinch of salt. But I reckoned that I stubborn to know what I want.

Even if this is the only way to communicate with you, I will be here. How long can I last? I ask myself this question all the time. My only answer is that when I am truly out of your mind and sight.

Ppl asks if this is true love? Idk. But it is a spark that never ignite fully.

But how the hell do I know anything if it is just a matter of months. I trust my feelings (going mushy and woman like now). It feels different. I let down all my guard for you. I speak of the truth in front of you. I am as naked as I can be. Which I never ever allow myself to do that.

I have said too much now. :)

I shall go back to googling.

Love,
B

Epic failure!

A little difficult to type in the mobile I reckoned. But I will have to let this one out.

Life is different as I have known now. Things that never quite bothered me seem magnified and angered me no end.

I am turning to an angry old man. Sigh.

My sob stories. Yearns to be heard. Alas there is none that really knows. Except you.

Nights are endless misery as I literally watch time passes by. I reminisce the nights we had. Not knowing if it soothes the soul or breaks the heart.

It ain't right to express this anymore but I pray that your generosity to friends extends to this helpless existence.

I am an epic failure. I hate this feeling.